A Change in Thinking

 I have had a long time to think about myself the past couple of days and I realize that I believe too much of what the media tells me. I'm done believing in what the media says.

I. AM. BEAUTIFUL.

I have spent so much of my life hating what God created because society has told me that I am ugly. I'm D.O.N.E. with thinking I'm ugly. I will no longer walk with my head down, I will no longer wear a jacket over my shirts to hide my body, I will no longer be afraid..

I'm not saying that my perception of my body is on point or that I don't have bad days. Some days I change my outfit at least four times because I think I am fat, but then I mentally slap myself and put on my original outfit. 

Genesis 1:27 states:

"So God created man in His own image,

in the image of God He created them;

male and female He created them."

These thoughts don't just pop up out of nowhere though. The last five years have been devastatingly hard on my family. Surprise, I found comfort in food. Senior year of high school I found myself at a very high number on the scale. Numbers are not everything, but that was my turning point for me. Now, a year later, I have lost 60 pounds, gone down four pant sizes, and have downgraded two shirt sizes. It was not an easy road. I cried a lot, binge ate, and had shameful thoughts about myself. At some point though, something must have changed. I began to LOVE running and weight training. In fact, I try to run at least 5 times a week. Not because I want to be skinny, but because it helps keep me in shape; both mentally and physically. Even now, I don't want to be "skinny". I don't want to drop to a single digit pant size, it just doesn't seem like me. But I do want to be able to kick ass.  My journey hasn't stopped, but it has become easier with the fact that I am no longer fighting God's word.  

Another thing, I am not saying that "plus-size" women are not beautiful; because they are. I'm tired of hearing society tell women they are not beautiful just because they are a certain size. I hope that all women will someday give the middle finger to society and be whatever size they want to be.

Here is my middle finger to society:

I'm not counting calories

I'm not going to be mad when I don't go on the run I told myself I would go on

I'm not going to be ashamed of my curves

I'm going to love the body God gave me (flaws and blemishes included)

I'm going to wear stripes when I damn well please, even if it "doesn't fit my body type"

Things are not always going to be great. When those days come though, I am going to look back on how far I have come and I am going to lean on God for my strength. This world does a damn good job at tearing us down, but when I give my fears to God, my days get a little better.

Drink your coffee Oregon and treat yo' self,

w/love,

Kela